George tapped into an area that I feel is not addressed often enough within the Christian realm: guilt. Not just guilt, mind you, but this book aims to kill it, by stabbing that wild defiant beast in place, and beheading it once and for all with logical thinking that more often than not deters most from relief.
Musing over thoughts of relief from guilt is just a dream at times. Some carry grief as if it was their role to play for the entirety of their life, convinced that self flagellation is the only way to redeem. It also has a sly way of becoming a routine that the brain naturally becomes akin to, comfortable and almost scarily safe. Sadness overwhelms and chokes, wasting my time focused on what was supposed to be done away with for the sake of the familiar weight of grief. Yeah sure, God "forgives me," but what I've done, I'm so ashamed of and I'm used to the burden. I've heard the verses, yet still, I can't let go.
Bob clearly states that "If truth sets you free, then it is error that binds you." So, what's the truth. Truth is: I'm forgiven. What's the error? I don't believe I'm fully forgiven because I can't forgive myself. Shame holds me down without giving me the ability to lift my eyes. Too weary of the weight, guilt crumbles opportunities of letting go into shambled hope. It snowballs rolling into the most massive avalanche. Desperately flailing my arms around to dig some sort of larger hole, I end up creating a space that gets crushed over and over again by the snow above. Trapped underneath and never able to dig out, it feels like there's no possible way to improve especially if I look around at other humans' failed attempts. I become a form of muddled joy yet I continue to choose to remain in the trap because I can't forgive myself. I remain crippled. Frozen. Lifeless.
Bob goes on to say: "Until you rest in the finality of the cross, you will never experience the reality of the resurrection." Now living in a colder climate I've come to realize the value of salt in a snowy situation. It not only melts the snow away, but it better preps you for future snow or freezing temperatures if enough salt is left on your pathway. I need to allow the healing power of God's forgiveness to melt my guilt away as salt does snow. I need to rest in His freedom enough to keep trusting that He is enough to dissipate not only the judgement from sin but the guilt that specifically crumbles me. My Heavenly Father forgave me once and for all with the perfection of Christ alone. If I focus on what wrong I've done, that's been paid for in blood, I've missed the mark completely.
The meaning of the Gospel is what again? "Good news." It's GOOD news. He Forgave, Forgives, and will continue to FORGIVE. HE let it go. Why won't I let it go? Do I believe in the finality of the Cross? Is it Final? Done? OVER? Have I let the salt melt it all? If not, I'm in bondage. I will slip again on the hardened ice of my guilt. If I do believe, I have to forgive myself. I have to rest and ADMIT - It's not of me. It's ALL of Him. NONE of me. Meaning, I have to admit that I CAN'T. That He CAN. He HAS. AND is continually redeeming me till the day I see His amazing face. I am unworthy in and of myself, but made worthy by Jesus' blood. ALONE. I've got to believe my belief. It seems so ridiculous otherwise. Silly human.
I was so encouraged by the example George mentioned in placing yourself in the Father's shoes.
I hope these thoughts will encourage you, friend. I don't pretend to assume I have it all together. In fact, it's a daily struggle to admit that I can't and to willingly breathe the breath of freedom once more, but that's who we are, right? Sinful beings made whole being renewed daily by His grace, ALONE.
I have yet to read the rest of the book, but I look forward to it, and would encourage you to pick it up as well.
If you've never read the lyrics of By your Side by 10th Avenue North, I'd encourage you to do so as well. They seem to hit the nail on the head:
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching
As if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
'Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, yeah I'll love you
I'll never let you go, no, no
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side, my hands are holding you
Ohhh...
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching
As if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
'Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, yeah I'll love you
I'll never let you go, no, no
And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side, my hands are holding you
Ohhh...
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